Matters of the Heart.

I want to be married. That was kind of blunt, I know. Yet, it is the honest truth! Being a Christian "20-Something" who happens to be single is NOT easy! Most of the time it feels like a huge trail that, because of Christian culture, I am unable to openly express my feelings of frustration with the situation. I am so thankful for the friendships that God has developed in my life, yet I am frustrated with the fact that most of my dearest friends have now have found their somebody special! I can't seem to shake these feelings or thoughts. Then my thoughts go to God and my heart breaks even more. That I have spent so much of my life pinning for someone to share my life with, yet the one person who matters most is usually on the sidelines. It feels cliche to think that way. It is what everyone encourages me to do, which usually leaves me more frustrated in the end because it is ultimately impossible to on my own! He has to do that! {I feel drained even writing these thoughts and feelings.} With these things on my heart, God has started moving. I can sense it. Yet, I don't know where it is all leading. Is He preparing me for someone? Is He giving me strength to deal and continue to live with my singleness? Is He preparing me for a change in ministry or is he going to lead me into clarity on my future career plans? {I'm mind boggled} Well, my "life verse" has come to mind. It is Psalm 27:4. It is the prayer for my life! The Lord of Psalm 27 has way more to offer than any man walking on this earth today. And the best part, I am His and He has giving everything for me to be His! {I shiver as I think of this.}

Psalm 27

¹The LORD is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?

²When evildoers assail me
to eat up my flesh,
my adversaries and foes,
it is they who stumble and fall.

³ Though an army encamp against me,
my heart shall not fear;
though war arise against me,
yet I will be confident.

⁴ One thing have I asked of the LORD,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to inquire in his temple.

⁵For he will hide me in his shelter
in the day of trouble;
he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;
he will lift me high upon a rock.

⁶And now my head shall be lifted up
above my enemies all around me,
and I will offer in his tent
sacrifices with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make melody to the LORD.

⁷ Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud;
be gracious to me and answer me!
⁸You have said, "Seek my face."My heart says to you,
"Your face, LORD, do I seek."

⁹ Hide not your face from me.
Turn not your servant away in anger,
O you who have been my help.
Cast me not off; forsake me not,
O God of my salvation!
¹⁰For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
but the LORD will take me in.

¹¹ Teach me your way, O LORD,
and lead me on a level path
because of my enemies.
¹² Give me not up to the will of my adversaries;
for false witnesses have risen against me,
and they breathe out violence.

¹³I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living!
¹⁴ Wait for the LORD;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the LORD!

What's that noise?

Sometimes life seems like a broken record player; the same sorry sounds repeat over and over again. It scratches on the nerves, yet sings an uncanny melody. I’m being ambiguous, I know. I have been doing a lot of thinking about my personality type. I took the Meyers-Briggs at work. I had a four hour session with the HR director going over the ends and out of my personality type. I have spent countless more hours thinking about my personality type and how it applies to my life. I have laughed about it and I have cried about it. I am so thankful that God has given me my personality, yet there are aspects that I wish were not so. Those aspects are the ones that are the sorry sounds. I will now be working on tweaking the record play, so that it at least plays through the whole melody. How you might ask? I am going to start by praying, a lot. I am also going to stop myself being acting; analyze the situations I am in and review which move I should make next. Hopefully this will help!

My Updated Life!

Since I moved to Onalaska, WI in January, my life have been in constant transition. I finally feel like I am settling in to my new life! There have been a couple of additions and subtractions from my life.

Subtraction #1: A Certain Relationship
While in Ireland I met a boy from Wisconsin. I fell hard for him. Silly, I know! Well, needless to say (sense he is the subtractions category) that he is no longer a part of my in the a "romantic" sense. This is my second and deepest heart break experience. I know that this is God's will and honestly His mercy on my, which I am making a choice to praise Him for it!

Subtraction #2: My Independence
Moving back home is a HUGE transition. I love my family, but I love them even more when there is some distance between us! At times I think that an ocean is too vast, yet works very well to keep my sanity! On a serious note, I am learning a lot through this "subtraction" and I know that when all is said and done I will grow a lot through this.

Addition #1: A Bug
Yep, I got myself a little black bug. It has four wheels and and a really cute horn! It is the perfect time in my life to have my dream car!

Addition #2: My Church
I have found an amazing church family! Although I love my previous church family to bits and pieces, I am so thankful for my new church family. I feel very loved, excepted and challenged by them! We also were blessed with an amazing new Senior Pastor in April! His preaching has been such a source of growth in my life! God really loves me!

Addition #3: The Job
In April I was offered a position at the above Church. I am officially the "Youth Ministry Assistant". I love my job! I honestly never thought of youth ministry and I do not know if this is what God has for me long term, but I am enjoy it! I could not have asked for a better job, better employer, or better co-workers!

As challenging and stressful it is, life can be truly amazing! I can't think about what is waiting in eternity! Holy Cow, it's going to be awesome!

Breathless Moments...

There have been many of them over the last couple of months.

So many moments where the next breath seems distant.

While I take a breath, I prepare myself for the grasping of the next. They always come.

And time always moves on.

Then the breath, the moment of desire.

When the deep inhale of clarity is taken.

The eyes close.

The chest slowly sinks with the long and lingering exhale.

The breaths that follow seem sweet,

like the first kisses from the summer's sun after a bitter winter.

To breath again.

To be from under the rock of constant remembrance.

Of constant struggle.

To breath free.

To be free.

Band Aids and Sea Monsters

What do you say to those in pain? Everything seems…not right. I desire that one really good liner that will be the healing ointment; the band aid that fixes everything. Yet, as I search my soul I come up empty. Trying to stop the brain from wondering to the “what if’s” of life. It is a sick sick disease; craving something that will never be. Accepting life as it is would be best. Yet, acceptance is a fickle thing. Sometimes it is a breeze. Other times it is a treacherous ocean full of scary sea monsters. Asking someone to accept something seems so wrong. Almost like it would be tactless to do so, yet isn’t that the band aid that will bring healing to a scare. “It” will always be carried with them, but it does not have to cause them pain anymore. It is itch when the rain is on its way (funny how makes things like that happen).

To those whom are in pain:

I am right there with you. I feel pain too. “What if’s” do not heal. They bring pain. Try to focus on now. Accepting today for today; knowing life is a blink of the eye. Hold on to those you love. Try to love them more every day. Keep praying. And don’t give up!

Your shipmate, Katie

N(ew) Y(ork) C(ity)

The Big Apple...


Grace (seen in a photo with me in Time Square) bought Kendall and I 2nd row seats for the Phantom of the Opera. I was amazing! I could see the sweat on their brows! Thank you so much for that wonderful gift Grace!


Times Square...Such a CrAzY PlAcE!!!


Kendall looking around TS.


I love all the colors and all the different people.


Kendall and I


Grace and I. We stayed with Grace at her families home. She is such an amazing girl and was such a blessing! Thank you Grace for showing me such a wonderful time in NYC.


The NYPD blocked off the streets leading to the bridge where we needed to go to see the fireworks. They were trying to mainstream the crowds. So, we thought we would sneak through a parking lot. Well, it had a fence. We decided to crawl through the fence. We were one of the first through. Then a mob built. The NYPD came. We left.


NY City Fireworks.


The fireworks were even better because they were reflected on the buildings! It was like we were surrounded with fireworks.


I kept thinking how mighty she looks!


Shoes worn by a child in Ellis Island.


This was one the first views of Lady Liberty that I had. She is something to behold!
Did you know that she is only two pennies think?


The Great Hall of Ellis Island. This room holds so much history. Truly the historical Welcome Center for the US.


I am so proud to be a US American.


Photo taken of a window ark in the Great Hall in Ellis Island.


As I walked through Ellis Island I couldn't help but think of how many people have walked on these tiled floors. How each of them had a story. Each of them had so many dreams.

Let's just say...it was a crazy busy and super fun trip!

Happy Day, Mom!

Dear Mom,

I am so thankful for you! You help me to live, learn and grow. You are my best friend. Someone that I am 100% myself around. You love in my bad times, you comfort me during the valleys and you cheer for me I am at the top of the mountains. I love you!

Your, Katie B

Booking Flights...

I have booked my flight for Northern Ireland. I will be leaving on August 19th and spending the weekend with Niamh. I will then head to Paris to spend a week with Audrey. I have also booked a flight to London for the last weekend of September with Niamh to visit Audrey for her birthday! I will soon be booking a flight to Slovakia. A trip is the in the works to go to Rome with all the Edgewood students who will be studying abroad in Europe in the fall. During my mom’s visit over Christmas we will be going to London, Dublin and touring Germany. There is also a chance to meet up with a friend in Egypt or the United Arab Emirates. As I think about all of these plans and as I think about the adventures ahead of me I can’t help but feel overwhelmed that I am able to get this chance and overwhelmed with the feelings of excitement that I am about to such an amazing experience. I am so excited to be able to continue to develop the friendships that I have made this semester and continue to grow in my knowledge and abilities in interacting with people of different cultures. I am truly blessed.

Goals for Growth in Northern Ireland

I have started to think of some of the goals I would like to accomplish during my study abroad experience in Northern Ireland. Some of them are personal, some of them are academia based and some of them are just for fun! Here is the start of my list...
1. I want to do something that I never thought I would do! Something that isn't dangerous or illegal, but something that I thought I wouldn't ever do. What? you may ask! I won't know until the opportunity presents itself!
2. I want to gain clarity into what I want to do with the rest of my life. I know that I would like to work in the field of international education, yet I have no idea what the next step for me is. I would be nice to gain some insight unto this issue.
3. I want to make every single day an adventure. I want to get out and see the city of Belfast everyday! Either take a walk to a park or find a new coffee shop. I want to have a story to tell!
4. I want to visit at least 5 countries!

This is it right now, but I plan on coming up with a couple more! Super Excited!!!

Spring Break in Kentucky

I spent my spring break in David, Kentucky volunteering at an alternative school. It was a week of growth and a week of fun.


A friend...thinking...

Ryan and Stephanie had a wheel barrow race while we moved a tree that had fallen down...

Ryan won in the end because Stephanie hit a rock...

One of my besties, Kelsey...

Cartwheels...

More Cartwheels...

Kelsey and I

The trees have started to bloom...spring is on its way...

Whispers of Life...

I have been feeling very absent from a lot in the last couple of weeks and months. I think some of reasons for these feelings are because of being lost in thought. I have had a lot to think about and many of those thoughts just can't be expressed. They are like the light clouds that don't actually seem like cloud, but seem like whispers in the sky. The other night it seems like some of those whispers finally drifted away, yet I still wonder when they will come back. If they will come back. Life is strange like that, I guess. Some of the whispers are from my past and dealing with hurt and anger for the things that have happened in my life. Other whispers are thoughts and questions that I have tried to hide, yet they have surfaced. Many whispers are regaurding my future and the dreams that yet to materialize.

Life is funny sometimes...as I say this, I smile flickers on my face. It is funny at times.

Thinking...

It is way too late to be up. I have been spending the last couple of weeks thinking. Thinking about everything that is being piled on my shrinking plate. That it seems like the work of many instead of just one.
Thinking about faith and what it all means. I have been feeling really disconnected with the people who I have come to love and value, yet I feel more connected with my personal walk and journey. I don't know why that is. Maybe it is because I am being led away to something new, fresh. Only time will tell.
Thinking about Ireland. Holding my breath until I hear the word. I am craving this adventure from the tips of my toes to the highest hair on my head. I know that whatever will happen will be for the best, yet I get this feeling of heartache when I think of being passed over.
Thinking about my past. The people who have been threaded into my life's tapestry. Many of them are woven in more than once. The bright colors. The dark grays. So many people have impacted me. The amazing purpose behind each other. The amazing piece of art it has created.
Just Thinking...

Middle of a Highway

The middle of a highway in the middle of Mongolia. That single shot captures so much. To me it is loaded with meaning. Some of it ironic. Some of it painful. Some of it wonderful. In that moment the the world seems to be moving so slowly. Although I felt like I was loosing my breath, everything was under my control. The world around me seemed carefree. I was lost and didn't know it. It was the calm before the storm. It was the rest before the test. I didn't realize what was in store. I am not that girl anymore. I shine with a new hue of gold, that did not grace me before. I look at that girl with a type of pity. The journey took her so long. She stumbled and fell down the valleys and crawled up the mountain. The thoughts of being back at that moment entice me. I know better then to wish it. I am better off here. That moment in time is long gone. It is for the best. That moment in time when I sat in the middle of a highway in the middle of Mongolia.